Lesson Two: Confirm & Deny

So I never thought I'd say this but I used an Eddie Izzardism! Or something like that. If you've seen Eddie Izzard then you'll get the joke, if not, I feel sorrow for you from the pit of my beating heart. Alas, what's a poor girl to do?

To the lesson!

Honesty is usually and almost always, most definitely the best policy. For example, when asked by the CHP (that's CHiP for you TVland fans) officer if I realized I was speeding and if I saw him I merely said, "Yes and no."

I am quite sure that the man wholly did not know what to do with himself. I guess most people play the old "I had no idea officer!" or the time-old "the devil made me do it" routine. Hey, I was speeding (as was 50% of the cars around me) and why lie about it? He has the lil tag machine thingy. I figured, hey, if he'd rather pull over me than the chick on the cell phone or the dude without a seat belt, I'm okay with that. Cuz I'm a rebel.

Anyhow, the poor CHiP stood outside my car staring at me before realizing he hadn't asked for my papers. So I hand him my papers and he again stares blankly at me. You see being in the military means you can have an ID from one state, a license from another, your car bought in a third, and then your insurance registered elsewhere. Which is my case.

He asked me if I lived in California and I said a plain, "No, sir."

"But your car is from here?"

"Yes, sir."

"And your license says Texas."

"Yes, sir. Miltary, sir." He smiled and nodded and then played the "good cop" bit of him letting me off with a warning.

But hey, at least he was honest and said it was because he didn't want to do the paperwork.

Mini moral - a lot of the cops, sheriffs, staties, and other classes of po-pos, pigs, cops, and whatever else you want to call them usually were military once. They get it and they don't care what you did if you're honest and weren't reckless. So show a smidge of respect. They serve too. And they get it. Trust me, cops are the worst rule breakers of 'em all.

So hey, let's hear it for honesty.

Of course, the other part of this lesson is "deny." So, deny nothing and confirm everything. Unless, of course, you're singing the national anthem and you don't know the words.

Admit it, most Americans don't.

If that is the case. You're whole-heartedly correct to confirm and deny every blessed note in every blessed line. And remember to be grateful and thank your lucky stars that the national anthem doesn't contain the other verses to the poem it's originally from. Because then, well you'd be S.O.L..